How do you keep parenthood from destroying you?

im having problems with my daughter who is 3 in January i feel like im going to explode as she refuses to come home when im at my mums or the mum and toddler groups she screams and throws herself about and i end up shouting at her or restrain her to get a coat and things on her but you ain't super woman and two is a very challenging age i feel bad but i do try and remain calm but all i can put this down to is she misses her dad who is in and out her life but iv asked for help and never get it so i say at least when you do it yourself you have no one to thank ps im also a twin so two aint easy